Being jealous is a difficult emotion that can manifest in any situation, from a personal to a professional one. Envy, which typically arises from a sense of inadequacy, insecurity or threat, can take different shapes and develop through different modes of behaviour, thinking and feeling. Here are 10 widespread causes of jealousy, broken down into their specific details in order to give a sense of this universal human condition.
Table of Contents
1. Low self-esteem and insecurity
A deep sense of insecurity or negativity is frequently the root cause of jealousy. Persons with low self-esteem might feel inferior or despised when compared with others. For instance, in a romantic relationship, a person may worry that they aren’t attractive, successful or interesting enough to capture their partner’s interest. That insecurity makes the environment prime for envy since they take even seemingly harmless interactions to be threatening.
Not only does low self-esteem negatively impact romantic life. In friendships or work, we may feel that we are not equal to others who are more talented or successful. This inferiority generates jealousy and resentment.
2. Fear of Losing Something Valuable
Jealousy is often caused by the worry of losing a relationship, opportunity, or possession that one matters deeply. For example, in romantic relationships, this fear might occur when a partner creates a close bond with somebody else. The worry of being replaced or dumped can lead to irrational and jealous behaviours, such as regularly monitoring the partner’s interactions.
It’s also the case in work settings where a person might be afraid of being fired or promotion of a colleague. They are also likely to feel a competitive instinct as a result of this fear, and jealous of anyone who appears to be a competitor.
3. Comparison with Others
Envy comes from the desire to hold yourself up to others. Today, through social media, we’re bombarded with carefully chosen snapshots of other lives, with success, holidays, and idealised love lives. It can create jealousy since the self contrasts itself against these typically nonsensical narratives.
For instance, a person could envy a friend’s vacation pictures without thinking of the hardships or devastation that might have gone into that trip. This “keeping up” effect just reinforces inferiority and depressed feelings.
4. Insufficient Trust
There is nothing in life that is more important than trust, and when you don’t have it, jealousy gets the credit. And if the couple have had previous cheating and lying, then they might suspect that each other is behaving differently. Even in close friendships or professional relationships, mistrust can produce jealousy when one feels alone or marginalised.
Suppose, for example, that a friend is spending more time with another person; this can trigger jealousy on the basis of fear of losing them. In the absence of trust, even otherwise innocent circumstances can be misinterpreted as intentional acts of betrayal.
5. Impractical Expectations
Overwhelming expectations of relationships or life in general is another form of jealousy. In a romantic relationship, others are not willing to accept friendships or hobbies outside of the relationship. If these expectations aren’t fulfilled, jealousy can ensue.
The same goes for those of us who are not on the same social journey, such as buying a home, getting married or starting a career. Envy can be sparked by seeing your colleagues achieve these kinds of milestones, even if your individual ambitions differ.
6. Being possessive
Jealousy is closely tied to possessiveness when we believe that we are entitled to possess or rule over an individual or object. Excessive partners will also be jealous of their partner’s interactions with others, even when in a relationship. This arises because they are interested in claiming their partner’s time and attention, and they perceive third parties as a threat.
Possessiveness isn’t limited to relationships. It can also be reflected in friendships or work environments. For example, a staff member might feel possessive of a piece of work they have been working on and get jealous when a colleague has something to say or gets credit.
7. Trauma and Previous Experiences
It is also possible that even bad experiences affect one’s susceptibility to envy. A betrayed person, for example, will carry that distrust burden forward into a future relationship, so they are vulnerable to envy when everything is good.
Likewise, experiences in childhood, feeling neglected or overshadowed by siblings can create long-term traumatic memories that can affect the way you respond to perceived competition or threat. Such traumas can be replayed as jealousy as adulthood permeates relationships with partners, friends and coworkers.
8. Rivalry and Competition
Jealousy arises when individuals compete over finite resources, status or opportunities. This is especially prevalent in professional environments, where colleagues may envy each other’s achievements, promotions or boss compliments. In friendships, too, quiet rivalries can provoke envy when one person sees themselves overshadowed by another.
Competition jealousy doesn’t have to be harmful; sometimes it can be an encouragement to get better. But if left unaddressed, it can result in addictive behaviours such as underestimating other people or constantly comparing oneself to others.
9. Fear of Being Left Out or Rejected
Humans are social animals, and the fear of being excluded or rejected is a powerful trigger for jealousy. The same thing happens socially, where people might become jealous if they aren’t invited to parties, discussions or side jokes. The sense of being excluded can engender feelings of insecurity and resentment.
In the workplace, fear of exclusion could be experienced when someone is excluded from a major meeting or project. Such envy is motivated by a desire to be a part of, and to be valued.
10. Sexual or romantic rivalry
Romantic jealousy is perhaps the most familiar example of this mood. It usually arises because one thinks that a third person is an enemy to their romantic relationship. This can stem from insecurity, greed or trauma and often manifests as activities such as monitoring your partner, questioning them or trying to dominate them.
Even sexual jealousy might manifest outside committed relationships, for example, when a partner has an unspoken attachment towards a partner who pursues another partner. Such jealousy is often marked by anger, despair and longing.
Jealousy is an emotional reaction that involves several psychological, social and situational variables. Between insecurities and comparisons, exclusionary anxieties and competition, the motivations behind jealousy are as varied as the people who feel them. Jealousy is an instinctive human emotion, but if allowed to run wild, it breaks relationships and interferes with mental health. Through an awareness of the causes of jealousy, people can attempt to address their insecurities and trust and establish healthier relationships and beliefs about themselves.
